In my defense, I was trying to give you a neat burn mark.

You drove my car into a river!

In my defhense, I found your bhooze stashh.

You locked me in a cage.

In my defense, to keep you away from my booze.

You stabbed me in the neck!

IN my defense, I am Red Spy, you are Blue sniper. It is the natural order of things.

You broke the natural order!

In my defence, the natural order was boring.
Let havoc reign supreme!

You restored the natural order!

IN my defense, it should be like this.

You broke a unicycle on a monkey's head!

In my defence, that monkey was throwing poo at my car.

You threw poo at my car!!

In my defense, You said that you wanted a new paint job.

You ran me down with a truck!

In my defense, you are a rude girl!

You are a rude girl!

In my defense, You are way too sensitive!

You poisoned my ingredients!

In my defense, all I did was get close to the storage area!

You said I cause doom to anything I attach myself to!

In my defense, the last three things you hugged blew up.

You messed up my data!

In my defense, you call 5 terabytes of porn "data"?

You stole my hat

In my defense, you stole it long ago. I just waited for your guard to drop, and stole it back.

You breached my wall!

In my defense, all I did was drove a tinsie little tank through it while firing my main cannon with two 50 cal.'s

You stole mah bike!

In my defense, it was illegally parked.

You parked illegally.

In my defense, I was only going to be in the store for a few hours.

You planted a bomb in my car!

In my defense, I needed the space. To read my newspaper.

You stole the crosswords page.

In my defense, I knew all the answers.

You forgot to feed my pets.

In my defense, I wanted to see what they'd do when they were hungry.

You sold me a defective item.

In my defense, It got damaged in the post.

You yelled at me.

In my defense, you made my girlfriend cry.

You set a cat on fire!

In my defense, we needed a mobile light source.
Tadaaa.

You stopped my computer from backing up properly, and it went on a rampage!

In my defence, you asked me to hook it up to Skynet.

You ninja'd me on another thread!

In my defense,you're too slow.

You made my pencil disappear.

In my defence, I used it for a magic trick.
Trust me, you don't want to see it.

You saw my magic trick that no-one should see!

In my defense, I have ultravision. You really can't hide stuff from me.

You shook up my bottle of soda!

In my defense, I thought that was how you made bottle rockets.

You ruined my firework display!

In my defense, you were planning to do it inside my kitchen.

You burned down my house.

In my defense, I was told that you were a witch.

You tried to drown me!

In my defense, I was told that you were a dolphin.

You called the cops to report me.
_{You can't prove those people didn't stab themselves in the back!}

In my defense, I don't like being almost killed.

You tried to ship me to Canada!

In my defense, its quite a good place, ay?

You tried to kill me with a complex SAW trap!

In my defense you kept escaping my other traps.

You fried all my defense robots

In my defense, they were no match for my offense robots.

You turned my house into rubble.