Loooooove.

Naw, kidding. Did you really think that I put that in it?

Nah, If it was Looooove I wouldn't be able to taste it.

What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

Me.

Wait, does that mean that I've been outdated?

'Fraid so. And I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Awkward!

Did you just steal from my pocket?

No. I stole your pants.

Want your pants back?

You can keep them for now but I'm gonna need them back.

Why take them in the first place?

Because then I get a better vie-OW! OKAY, TAKE THE PANTS BACK!

Who flushed the pipe bomb down the toilet?

Me. My final act of rebellion in school.

Think I should say Goodnight?

Not without a goodnight kiss.

Too far again?

Yes very. Now I feel violated.

Are you gonna back off?

Well, I never even was talking to you. So, yes, then.

Why is there tinfoil in the microwave?

To protect my lunch from being mind-controlled by the government.

Why would the government want to control my lunch?

They have nothing better to do. They also think it's an alien.

Why is the door locked?

To keep the voices there. I finally got them out of my head.

Why do I feel like killing someone?

Because everyone wants to kill somebody.

What is love?

Definition: 'Love' is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometers away using an Aratech sniper rifle with a tri-light scope... Love is knowing your target, putting them in your targeting reticule, and together, achieving a singular purpose against statistically long odds.

Why hasn't my avatar changed yet?

Because the new one is nice and you need to retain individuality! RETAIN!

Ahem. Do you have any plans for today?

Yes, I was thinking of killing visiting my neighbors.

Wanna join me?

Why not? I have nothing else planned, aside from painting the town red again later.

So what are they like?

Very quiet, actually.

Honey, why don't you get us some drinks?
_{I need some time alone to bury the bodies talk about something.}

Okay.

What should I get?

Red wine. That will give us an excuse for the stains.

Oh, they seem to be gone. Where could they be?

Having sex. Or eating dinner.

I got some Chianto. Anyone want it?

You know i don't turn down Chianti.

Why did they give all of their wallets and jewelry to you?

They felt sorry because their kids were making so much noise when I was trying to study.

They seem to have quieted down since I killed talked to them, though, don't they?

Yeah, you must really have a way with words.

Can i have that necklace over there?

Well, yes. And since you asked for the gift I was planning to surprise you with, here's a bracelet.

Wait, isn't that the legendary cursed bracelet of Amon-Ra?

Yes. It's yours.

How did it get in my house?

It's my mom's.

You DO know that Chianto is WAAAAAY different from Chianti, right?
I'ts been used as a hair remover, self-defense spray, hair restorer, and a safe and humane way of killing chickens.

*spits it out* Ah, That'd explain the taste and my partial blindness.

What's the worse thing that could happen with a cursed bracelet?

I don't know. Let's ask the giant murderous demon standing behind you.

Well? What did he say?

He wants to do her. I punched him in the face after he said that.
_{She's mine... ALL MINE!}

What do you think Hell is like?

I'm guessing the best place to roast marshmallows.

Do think that Satan would make a good neighbor?
_{Also thank you for punching the demonic rapist in the face for me.}

Well, I heard he throws some killer barbecue parties.

Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Unfortunately, yeah. But I was REALLY drunk.

Wait, is the demon getting back up?